Before I came to Belgium I was in a frustrated state of mind. Not knowing what is gonna happen with me and what would my further be like… I really really wanted to be a paramedic, but when I was at my training camp in Italia I was told that I didn’t get in. More than 1100 applicators had applied, and only 70 were elicited to go to the first round of interviews. I was sad, angry and frustrated; I just felt that I was put back! Once again I was asked the same question over and over, what do you wanna do? What now? What about your studies, school or work?? I just got so tired of having people asking me that, because the truth is I DON’T KNOW. I have a weak idea of what I would like to do, but I don’t have the master plan all written down in paper. I haven’t yet giving up on the whole paramedic universe not yet, but my mind is still spinning around, and hasn’t landed on anything yet!
I had thought about being a paramedic for so many years and then my dream was gone. Like that! Then I decided to go 100% for my Belgium trip, no matter of the cost. Sitting here in the little town of Blauberg, I am glad that I went. It has so far been a very good trip, and I’m living my life as a professional bike racer, whatever that mean... I’m kind of living in a small cyclo cross bobble down here, I don’t really follow up on what is happing outside of my front door. A nuclear bomb could drop and I wouldn’t notice it, it’s all about the training, the races and the rest! Period end of story! I try to make it a more “normal” life, by going out and experience places, cities or just cafes, but sometimes it’s just hard to kill time.
Yeah that’s truth of living as a bike racer, everything everyday is about cycling! Most of my days down here go with training, eating and relaxing in front of the TV, my computer or with my knitting. Some days I stop calculating how many times I have log in and out of FACEBOOK or TWITTER. It’s just not healthy!
This knitting project of mine helps me to kill time. For the moment the house is almost full, with people coming for shorter periods of racing, which is so nice with people to talk to. One thing I have learned social interactions with others is vital and crucial for my wellbeing. My season is still long! It will end the 19 of February with race in Oostmalle, then I would have done more than 30 cyclo cross races here in Belgium, Nederland, Czech Republic, Schwitzerland and Denmark.
I will be heading home the 20, after spending half a year in Belgium! And what is going to happen then, I don’t know! And I really couldn’t care less.
I will figure it out, as always. I hope so!!
Great post Nikoline!